Posted by Bruce Sanborn on July 14, 2012 - 1:08pm
Eliza Bairdley lives in a small studio apartment in Echo Park, California. The 22-year-old actress's dream is to play an elf in the Lord of the Rings movies and no one has the heart to tell her they've already been made. Eliza makes her living workging for a children's party company where she gets to act out a variety of roles for the kiddies during the day and a variety of roles for the married daddies at night. She's given more than one middle-aged man a cardiac by calling him in the wee hours to announce that she's pregnant. A very large check arrives in the mail soon thereafter.
Bairdley was born in Fond-du-Lac, Wisconsin which means "bottom of the lake" which is where her mother and father drove themselves and her four siblings after they learned that the F.B.I. had discovered their online beastiality obsession. Eliza was with friends in the woods smoking bath salts at the time. After spending two years bouncing from foster home to foster home, each with its own version of the "I'm pregnant, where's my check?" scenario, at 17 she decided she was a natural actress and hitch-hiked to Hollywood. There she got a job at Pinkberry's and put on weight. She tried making a go of it on Hollywood Boulevard in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater, doing various characters; Wonder Woman, Catwoman, Batgirl, Sheena of the Jungle but none stuck. It wasn't until a friend gave her copies of the LOTR trilogy that she found her true calling, as an elf. Another girl on the Boulevard, Sexy Nurse Nadia, was working with the party company, had a "date" with a hypochondriac and couldn't do a Saturday night and asked Eliza to fill in. Being gregarious and warm with children, Bairdley was a hit with both the kids and the parents. It helped that most of the kids thought she really was an elf. And several daddies started calling to ask if she could come by for special parties.
Eliza discovered TBSB when we were playing a costume party in Silverlake on Halloween. I was dressed as Gandalf, Jim was dressed as an orc and Suzi wore her fairie princess outfit. Bairdley opened the conversation with queries about Frodo and Sam.
Bairdley says her favorite thing in the world to do is to talk to people and find out about their secret lives. Her friends say their favorite thing for her to do is shut the fuck up already about the goddamned elves.
B
TheBruceSanbornBand.com
Bairdley was born in Fond-du-Lac, Wisconsin which means "bottom of the lake" which is where her mother and father drove themselves and her four siblings after they learned that the F.B.I. had discovered their online beastiality obsession. Eliza was with friends in the woods smoking bath salts at the time. After spending two years bouncing from foster home to foster home, each with its own version of the "I'm pregnant, where's my check?" scenario, at 17 she decided she was a natural actress and hitch-hiked to Hollywood. There she got a job at Pinkberry's and put on weight. She tried making a go of it on Hollywood Boulevard in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater, doing various characters; Wonder Woman, Catwoman, Batgirl, Sheena of the Jungle but none stuck. It wasn't until a friend gave her copies of the LOTR trilogy that she found her true calling, as an elf. Another girl on the Boulevard, Sexy Nurse Nadia, was working with the party company, had a "date" with a hypochondriac and couldn't do a Saturday night and asked Eliza to fill in. Being gregarious and warm with children, Bairdley was a hit with both the kids and the parents. It helped that most of the kids thought she really was an elf. And several daddies started calling to ask if she could come by for special parties.
Eliza discovered TBSB when we were playing a costume party in Silverlake on Halloween. I was dressed as Gandalf, Jim was dressed as an orc and Suzi wore her fairie princess outfit. Bairdley opened the conversation with queries about Frodo and Sam.
Bairdley says her favorite thing in the world to do is to talk to people and find out about their secret lives. Her friends say their favorite thing for her to do is shut the fuck up already about the goddamned elves.
B
TheBruceSanbornBand.com
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